Ever got a new piece of tech? Got it home unboxed it probably done an unboxing video on YouTube, said it’s the best thing you have ever seen and you would quite gladly trade your mum in for another. Then you start to use it a couple of months down the line and it all goes tits up!

So what do you do? Maybe you’re a techie and this is just a minor inconvenience for you or maybe your problems are that of an epic cluster fuck and you decide to hit up tech support.

Now what? You ring the number, pressing 5,4,3,6,5,7,3,7,5,9,3,8,9,2,4,7,1,3,9,2,7,4,6 in attempt to speak to some spotty youth in I will read off a script and tell you the most obvious things to try (support department), or just to try and get out of the shitty hold queue that has careless whisper on loop for six hours.

Feeling stressed yet? It might surprise you to know that a lot of automated tech supports lines are programmed to detect signs of duress and also bad language especially the word “Fuck.”

So next time you find your self in a similar situation don’t Keep Calm, go friggin mental, it just might save you wasting several hours of your life, waiting to get through to Apple technical support.